I came from the corporate world to work for the design and marketing start-up Clout in August 2017.
This is what the last year has been like for me:
Too green to the freedoms that freelance and start-up life can buy, I entered this new world with the mobility and extensibility of a fawn.
Every day terrified me.
The completion of every task seemed as if though it was to be the penultimate fruit of my entire ability set–a moment to moment determinant of whether or not I could keep my job.
I calculated every minute and hour until exhaustion and stress wore me down.
I kept pushing–my goals forward and people out.
To me, the new world I signed up for was made of eggshells upheld by insecurity and doubt (a heavy and an overly dramatic metaphor I know—sorry)
I was used to boundaries set up by an organization, not by me
which was overwhelming
and almost crushed me
yet it didn’t
I didn’t before have a boss to trust and communicate with sans office politics.
Solidifying that trust almost crushed me
but we grew strong
Somehow I knew that I would stay,
that we would work out
because I got to know my leaders
and their hearts
and their faults
and their style of communication
and their flow of energy
and their reasons why.
And that, my dear friends, made all the difference
–allowing people to be people and me a person too.
Allowing growth, moment to moment, for each of us
without freaking out,
without doubting what I already knew and
understanding that people will absolutely make mistakes,
without letting any of it keep me from but instead gently guide me to where I needed and wanted to go.
Here I am
and comfortable with the ebb and flow of
things changing even now.
Start-up life is tough.
It’s not something to play around with or enter into lightly.
It’s not a game, but we can sure make it fun
we can sure make it interesting
and I think…I think that’s what we’ve done.